Anything but Forgiveness

Colossians 1: 13-14 For he [God] has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

When you think of forgiveness and forgiving the people who have hurt you...what comes to mind? Give it to God right now and ask Him to speak to you and reveal His truth about forgiveness. I am using the words of a professional here...I pray this helps you the way it continues to help me overcome hurt and damaged emotions. Song to inspire

From the book “The Bondage Breaker” by Neil T. Anderson

            “Forgiveness is not forgetting: People who want to forget all that was done to them will find they cannot do it. Don’t put off forgiving [or extending God’s best] to those who have hurt you, hoping that one day the pain will go away. Once you choose to forgive someone, then Christ can come and begin to heal you for your hurts.

            Forgiveness is a choice, a decision of your will. Since God requires you to forgive, it is something you can do. [This is not someone putting their will on you but you using the power of God to do for you what no one else can (not even yourself) – give you beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise instead of despair (Isaiah 6:3).]

            Forgive others for your sake so you can be free. Forgiveness is mainly a matter of obedience to God. [It is a laying down of the baggage that others put on you and picking up of…well, nothing, because the yoke of God is light. The yoke of God brings life not death and healing for all our wounds (Psalm 147:3, Matthew 11:29).]

            Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin. You are going to live with those consequences anyway whether you like it or not, so the only choice you have is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness. …That can seem unfair and you may wonder where the justice is in it, but justice is found at the cross, which makes forgiveness legally and morally right. Jesus took the eternal consequences of sin upon Himself. (2 Corinthians 5:21). We, however, often have to suffer the temporary, [earthly], consequences of other people’s sins. That is simply a harsh reality of life all of us have to face.

            Do not wait for the other person to ask for your forgiveness. …Jesus did not wait for those who were crucifying Him to apologize before He forgave them. Even while they mocked and jeered at Him, He prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

            Forgive from your heart. Allow God to bring to the surface the painful emotions you feel toward those who’ve hurt you. If your forgiveness doesn’t touch the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete. Too often we’re afraid of the pain so we bury our emotions deep down inside us. Let God bring them to the surface so He can begin to heal those damaged emotions.

            Forgiveness is choosing not to hold someone’s sin against him or her any more. It is common for bitter prople to bring up past issues with those who hae h;urt them…But we must let go of the past and choose to reject any thought of revenge. This doesn’t mean you continue to put up with the future sins of others. God does not tolerate sin and neither should you. Don’t allow yourself to be continually abused by others. Take a stand against sin while continuing to exercise grace and forgiveness toward those who hurt you. If you need help setting wise limits and boundaries to protect yourself form further abuse, talk to a trusted friend, counselor or pastor.

            Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving. You will never get there. Make the hard choice to forgive even if you don’t feel like it. Once you choose to forgive, Satan will have lost his power over you in that area, and God’s healing touch will be free to move. Freedom is what you will gain right now, not necessarily an immediate change in feelings.

Now you are ready to begin. Starting with the first person on your list, make the choice to forgive him or her for every painful memory that comes to your mind. Stay with that individual until you are sure you have dealt with all the remembered pain. …As you begin forgiving people, God may bring to your mind painful memories you’ve totally forgotten. Let Him do this even if it hurts. God wants you to be free; forgiving those people is the only way. [You are safe in this process because God is with you and guiding you.] Song to inspire

• Don’t try to excuse the offender’s behavior, even if it is someone you are really close to.

• Don’t say, “Lord, please help me to forgive.” He is already helping you and will be with you all the way through the process.

• Don’t say, “Lord, I want to forgive…” because that bypasses the hard choice we have to make. Say, “Lord, I choose to forgive…”

For every painful memory you have for each person on your list, pray out loud:

                Lord I choose to forgive (name the person) for (what they did or failed to do) because it made me feel (share the painful feelings).

After you have forgiven each person for all the offenses that came to your mind, and after you have honestly expressed how you felt, conclude your forgiveness of that person by praying out loud:

                Lord, I choose not to hold onto my resentment. I thank You for setting me free from the bondage of my bitterness. I relinquish my right to seek revenge and ask you to heal my damaged emotions. I now ask You to bless those who have hurt me. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

Nothing about these prayers and forgiveness guidelines are easy. These times of forgiving can be exhausting in some cases…take breaks as you feel the need but PLEASE GO BACK AND FINISH. I have had to do these more than once as more memories have come to mind. The two steps back that I seem to make are making me stronger for the steps forward…I have to keep reminding myself of this fact. I will pray for you in this life-long process.

Matthew 6:14, 15 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Psalm 130:4 But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

Exchange – Part 3

Exchanged, Freed and Victorious – In the last two parts we discussed this verse:

Luke 6: 27, 28 (NRSV) But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

The question arose…”how do we not become doormats and allow people to walk all over us?”

Consider this, the meekness that the LORD displayed while on earth was always “power under control.” He had the power to wipe out ANYONE in His path and yet He always chose love when it was hard, to give when He seemingly had nothing and to speak the truth in LOVE to all He met.

We will never be doormats when we allow the Holy Spirit to take control of our anger and our reactions. We can overcome evil by being the good God intends for us and others (Romans 12:21). You can’t “love Your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:30-31) without displaying and extending to others the respect and care you want and have for yourself. This is NOT a passive existence of letting others walk all over us. In "loving your enemies, doing good to those who hate you, blessing those who curse you and praying for those who abuse you," you are revealing to them their shame and evil. Jesus never let someone live in their sin - He did let people kill Him so in His resurrection, He could overcome their sin, reveal their sin and reconcile them to God the Father for eternity (if they allow). You are not expected to just "take" evil. Because of Christ's work on the cross, you now have privilege and power from the Holy Spirit (IF Jesus is your Lord and Savior) to take a stand against evil. This is a controlled shift of power from letting others walk all over you to choosing to participate in the healing work of us and others. In this exchange of good for evil, we CHOOSE to release ourselves from the prison of hate that the world tries to put us in through the evil it has offered us. We CHOOSE to allow God to strengthen and fill us as we empty ourselves of hate and revenge – to make us powerful and reveal who actually has control. We CHOOSE to speak the truth in love, even if the truth is hard to say or harder for the other person to hear. We CHOOSE to give of ourselves even when we seemingly have nothing more to give – God has abundance for us and others (2 Corinthians 1:5).

A Note: if you are in an abusive relationship, it is NOT "graceful or loving" to stay in the situation and allow the other person to sin against you in thought, word and/or deed. You are free in Christ to step away from the relationship, speak lovingly about them to others, do good for them from a safe distance and pray for that person's redemption and reconciliation to God and you. Even if you never talk to that person again, you do not get to wait until they seek forgiveness or change to give them forgiveness. Reconciliation may occur after they seek forgiveness and change but your forgiveness toward them does not need to wait, nor should it - forgiveness is about you and your relationship with Christ, not the person who has hurt you.

Since I am still learning how to do all of this too, next week I will share what forgiveness is and is not. I will use the words from another person who has Godly wisdom on how and why to practically administer forgiveness and love to those who hurt us.

2 Corinthians 1:5 And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

1 Peter 3:8-18 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For,“Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. “Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened. But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.

Exchange - Part 2

To recap - God has been training me lately with the verse:

Luke 6: 27, 28 (NRSV)

But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

Last week, I discussed how this verse outlines a progressive plan for living out forgiveness and counter-culture living with others. I outlined the first two directives and discussed some practical ways to live them out. This verse is God’s call to be confident and victorious, free in our living and example with others. And based on an awesome point from a friend…this may be a three part series. This week I will try and tackle the last two directives.

1. For those who curse you – bless them in a verbal, tangible way. 
2. For those who have abused/mistreated you – pray for them.

Here are some thoughts I have regarding the breakdown of this verse:

1. If someone curses you, that is an action. It’s usually in their words. They fling harsh words toward you to condemn you, your thoughts and your spirit. You usually know when someone curses you, but not always.
2. If someone abuses you and mistreats you, it can be in all areas toward you – physical, emotional, cognitive (thoughts) and it always affects your spirit.

Some ways to live this verse out every day:

1. Speak well about and toward those who curse you. Throughout the Bible a “curse” is a verbal assault toward a persons’ future or present condition. (i.e. Genesis 3:14, NIV, Genesis 12:3, NIV, Romans 12:14, NIV). Consider sending them a note of encouragement. When speaking about them to others, speak kindly and lovingly. When you meet them, or are with them, speak to them with words of affirmation, encouragement and constructiveness. When this is hard for me, I pray for God to let me see this person through His eyes and give me the words to bless them – or to just be silent…if you know me, then you know that me being silent can be a blessing (if not a miracle) sometimes too.
2. Pray for those who abuse you and mistreat you. Reconciliation is not always possible or appropriate with people who have abused you. There is no reason to stay around those people who abuse you and allow them to hurt you further. This command is to give us safety (and for those who need it, perhaps permission to leave) from abusers and redemption from our hurt. Our prayers can also supply potential redemption for our abusers. Forgiveness is a tricky thing…we think our bitterness and hate is holding our abusers captive and condemning them, but really, our unforgiveness is poisoning us, holding us captive and keeping us prisoners to the past, to the abusers and to the pain that they caused. When we can lay down the pain, hurt and memories of the past to God – which takes a moment by moment and continual surrendering to God for His will and blessing in our life and the life of our abusers – we are released and transformed to live a free life. A free life takes time to get used to and sometimes we need to learn new lessons (over and over) on how to keep living free. (Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. – in reference to Deuteronomy 32:35).

This verse ends with praying because it takes prayer, the Holy Spirit interceding on our behalf and giving us His power to do this work of loving when we don’t feel it, serving when we are hated, blessing when we are cursed and allowing God to unbind us and speak God’s best (praying to Him) for those who abuse us.

This outward work of tangible love is not more than God expected of himself and actually did for us. Jesus was mistreated on our behalf. He was innocent yet treated like a guilty person. His body was repeatedly abused to atone for our sins. Jesus provided salvation, died for our punishment against others and Himself and in His resurrection, gave us opportunity to take hold of His good in exchange for the evil we have done against Him and others. This also includes the evil that has been done to us. 

Luke 6: 35, 36, (NIV) But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Isaiah 53:5 (NIV) He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.)

Matthew 5:46-48 (NLT) If you love those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.