What Feelings?

1 Peter 5:10 (NIV) And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

I have been reminded of how much of an “intellectual” processor I am (versus an “emotional” processor)…it was brought to my attention that this blog (and me) could benefit from some emotional processing…I will practice this. I desire to grow in every way to be more Christ-like. Christ was an intellectual AND emotional processor. I am willing to be stretched…

I sit here on an emotional high of sorts because of a recent marathon processing session with God. All night we talked about how I was going to process anger without heaping guilt and shame on me. I have never allowed anger from past abuse too far up…I feel weak, overwhelmed and out of control when it starts to bubble up. I immediately want to fight whoever or whatever triggers the anger to rise. I then immediately feel guilt over how my emotions control me, and the actions I want to do to another person who has maybe not intentionally hurt me but has hurt me nonetheless…so I over-control my emotions and go numb and feel empty and dead inside, especially in this area of my past.

As a progress report though, through the years, I have gained, by many other marathon sessions of conversation and tears with God, emotional freedom in most other areas of my life. I genuinely experience and express appropriate joy with my family, anger when things don’t quite go my way or during a current injustice, sorrow when a death or disappointment occurs…

My emotions with this part of my life will continue to seep out…I will have times of doubt, times when the anger, sorrow and grief will make me feel like I’m drowning. And like these verses remind me…God is continually at work all around me and for me. He will be with me during the suffering as well as with me during the healing and highs of each victory of this journey. For right now, I will rejoice with God that through a letter writing exercise, Forgiveness and a Letter I have let go of anger and forgiveness at the same time. I have not sinned in my anger (Ephesians 4:26). He has allowed me to be free at this point from the emotional prison I've allowed in my life…I trust Him in the healing and freedom from the rest. Your Worth to God

Job 23:9-11 (NIV) When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside.